Recently, for example, I've been trying the different flavours of sliced cheese available at my local Tescos. And just imagine: I'm doing exciting stuff like that every week. Leerdammer from Holland is pretty average. Red Leicester is better, it's like cheddar. I really enjoyed Havarti from Denmark, very nice in sammies. But the best that I've tried recently has been Monterey Jack, from America. I'm surprised too, but it's probably so good because it contains some chemical that's banned in the EU. It's exotic: I have to go to the Asda supermarket over the road from Tescos for that one.
Anyway, so how are things at home? Uh huh, uh huh. Define "apocalyptic". Mmm hmm. The inner city is a crumbling, deserted wasteland, roamed by thugs and looters? Well, that's pretty much what I remember. And how much...? Billions of dollars?
Eesh, you just couldn't have picked a worse time to come asking for money. I already gave my charity money for this month to the Pakis, and I just took a holiday in this place:
Tell you what: I'll send you some Dutch cheese. Okay?